Next Time You Say “Bush Sucks,” Remember Saparmurat Niyazov
16 February 2007 | lecollye
R.I.P. Saparmurat Niyazov (1940-2006). Niyazov ruled Turkmenistan as the head of state/cult of personality from 1985 until his death in December 2006. The circumstances of Niyazov’s passing has been surrounded by some media speculation, including that Niyazov had been the victim of poisoning. Some Turkmen opposition sources also claim that Niyazov died several days before the officially announced date of December 21st. According to the Atlantic Monthly:
(After the fall of the USSR)…He could have used the world’s fifth largest natural-gas reserves to transform his nation into an economic powerhouse with an educated population and vibrant cultural scene. But that would have been too obvious. Instead, he determined that he was going to be the nuttiest Stan, a by-no-means uncompetitive field to those whom the suffix conjures large numbers of excitable young chaps in beards jumping up and down yelling “Death to the Great Satan!” In fact, Niyazov banned young men from sporting facial hair: Under his leadership Turkmenistan was the most pognophobic Stan in the World.
I have taken the time to note his death for two reasons: 1) Because he’s a pretty funny character and 2) because sometimes we need to add little global perspective to the constant complaining about our leadership. So the next time you catch yourself bemoaning the war mongering, ignorance and solipsistic posturing of our fair leader; first thank your higher power for term limits and second remember this (amazing) list of crap that Niyazov pulled in his 21 years in office:
- In April 2001, ballet and opera were banned after Niyazov felt they were “unnecessary … not a part of Turkmen culture”,
- In 2004 it was forbidden for young men to grow long hair or beards.
- In March 2004, 15,000 public health workers were dismissed including nurses, midwives, school health visitors and orderlies and replaced with military conscripts.
- In April 2004 the youth of Turkmenistan were encouraged to chew on bones to preserve their teeth rather than be fitted with gold tooth caps or gold teeth.
- In April 2004 it was ordered that an ice palace be constructed near the capital. (In December 2006 an article in the UK’s Sunday Times revealed the ‘ice palace’ to be an ornate ice skating rink.)
- In 2004 all licensed drivers were required to pass a morality test.
- In 2004 it was prohibited for news readers to wear make-up.
- In February 2005 all hospitals outside Aşgabat were ordered shut, with the reasoning that the sick should come to the capital for treatment. All rural libraries were ordered closed as well, citing ordinary Turkmen do not read books.
- In November 2005 physicians were ordered to swear an oath to the President, replacing the Hippocratic Oath.
- In December 2005, all video games were banned as being too violent for young Turkmen to play.
- In January 2006, one-third of the country’s elderly had their pensions discontinued, while another 200,000 had theirs reduced. Pensions received during the prior two years were ordered paid back to the state. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Turkmenistan strongly denied allegations that the cut in pensions resulted in the deaths of many elderly Turkmen, accusing foreign media outlets of spreading “deliberately perverted” information on the issue.
- In September 2006 Turkmen teachers who failed to publish praise of the Turkmen leader would remain at a lower payscale or be sacked.
- In October 2006 Turkmenistan claimed to have set free 10,056 prisoners, including 253 foreign nationals from 11 countries on the Night of Omnipotence. Niyazov said, “Let this humane act on the part of the state serve strengthening truly moral values of the Turkmen society. Let the entire world know that there has never been a place for evil and violence on the blessed Turkmen soil.”
- (My personal favorite) The Turkmen words for bread and the month of April were changed to the name of his late mother, Gurbansoltanedzhe.
- Car radios, lip-syncing, and recorded music are all prohibited.
- Video monitors are required in all public places.
- Dogs are restricted from the capital city due to unappealing odor.
